Steps Forward, Steps Back

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Had pizza and cookie again last night.  Gained .02 lbs. Buh.

But I went to the gym this morning and climbed exactly a thousand stairs exactly in 30 minutes.  I’m still not going to beat myself up about the pizza.  This is my process.  I am trying.

It’s interesting that the stair machine didn’t hurt my back, and I sweat like crazy, and my heart rate was in the 150s most of the 30 minutes I was at the gym but it didn’t feel hard.  I think the stair machine is going to make its way into my gym routine.  I burned more calories and exercised my heart more than just the treadmill walking, and stairs felt better on my back and hips.  Huh.  Who knew?  Probably lots of trainers and chiropractors.  But it’s news to me.

Yesterday when I got to work I felt like I wanted a little something sweet.  There happened to be cookies in the break room, as there is almost always something open to eat in the break room.  I thought, oh, this is great, I’ll just have one, since they’re sweet, but not a kind of cookie I actually like very much.  And it’s true: I did have only one cookie.

But instead of nipping my craving in the bud, I think it just whetted my appetite for more sweets.

For the rest of the day I had a piece of chocolate here, a chocolate covered almond there. I logged every bite on MFP calorie counter, and they were within my caloric allotment for the day.  But I wonder, did those indulgences fuel my pizza and cookie binge later in the day?  That pizza and cookie sure as shit weren’t within my allowed calories–I didn’t even bother logging them.

I still think there is some emotional or mental component to why I got the pizza that I’m not completely clear on.  I wasn’t very hungry, I just wanted to eat it because it tasted good.  I also wanted to stay up and watch some tv before I went to bed, another habit I’m trying to break.  It’s not that it’s not good for me, it’s just that when I watch tv I tend to want to snack.

I talked to my therapist about all this last week, and she recommended I make a list of things I can do for self care to replace the habit of self care with pizza.

Things to Do that Feel Good Instead of Eating Pizza at 11 PM 

  1. take an epsom salt bath
  2. eat some fruit
  3. jerk off
  4. do some yoga
  5. read a comic book
  6. post a blog entry about wanting, but not eating, pizza and cookie

That last one isn’t necessarily something that “feels good,” but it will keep me on the righteous path. Also, my therapist recommended I not stop eating pizza altogether, as it seems like a sure fire way to eat more pizza.  Instead of telling myself I can’t have pizza ever again, she recommends I tell myself I just can’t have pizza after work.  And I do like the idea of having it earlier in the day, on say my weekend, as a treat.  But even then I’ll have to make sure to expend more calories at the gym to burn off the pizza.  Oh pizza, you old troublemaker.

Wish me luck tonight!

XOE

 

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